This week…I’ve been a SAHM for 40 days and it may not be going well.

So I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for 40 days. The jury’s still out on how it’s going. It may be leaning more toward “she sucks at this,” although I feel like I’ve had a few winning days. Or hours. Or moments. Let’s keep it real and go with moments.
The truth is I feel a little lost, like I’m not sure what to do with myself. I mean DUH I can clean and cook and take care of kids and all that stuff, but I’m used to getting up and going places and doing things and having forty-seven thousand things to do each day to torment and terrify me – and now, I have like a few very simple things. NOT EASY, simple.
And I’m like WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING HERE and where am I going and what’s it all for and how do I pass my time? So, like a damn border collie, since nobody gave me a clearly discernible job, I made one up for myself. In the past few weeks that I’ve been off school (and pretty much work) I’ve replaced virtually all the body products I used with inexpensive homemade versions. It started out as a financial thing (read: we’re fucking broke and can’t afford $7.00 aluminum-and-paraben-free deodorant so I buy the regular stuff but then feel like I’m giving myself breast cancer plus that natural shit doesn’t work anyway) but as it’s evolved I find it so easy and fun that I’m pretty much sold, and frankly, feel like a bit of a schmuck for paying what I did for something I could make in my kitchen with very little brains or effort.
Anyway, y’all expressed some interest in the recipes I’ve been using and such, so I think I’ll do like an 8-week thing where once a week I post a recipe for some granola shenanigans I’ve been up to.
That way people who want to kill me in my sleep for writing a post resembling helpfulness (cause we don’t do that here, damnit!) can just ignore me on those days, and hopefully stick around on the other days to talk shit about women who throw baby sprinkles.
Although I’m 100% convinced that one can be a shit-talking renegade mama AND make homemade stuff. In fact, I feel incredibly empowered by this whole process – like I’ve really said “fuck you” to the man in a whole new way. Like all the sudden I feel way less victimized by American materialism and marketing and its insistence that I need companies to make me beautiful and my house clean. More on that later.
I suppose if we’re having a day of the week (please God let me actually stick to this) and a theme and whatnot we should have some sort of name for it: Crunchy Mondays? Hippie Hump Day? Wipe butts and make lotion? The Angry Amish? I have no idea where that last one came from.
Help me. I’m struggling with the naming our little series cause it isn’t just about enviro stuff (conservation, chemicals, etc.). It’s also about finances and what I was mentioning before: becoming more independent – feeling a sense of accomplishment and ownership over more areas of life.
So anyway, back to the week. You know it’s occurred to me that I think I really depend on the rushing to fill something in me, like if I’m moving super fast I don’t have ever really look at my life, or face anything. I’m just going, running at whirlwind paces, too damn busy to open my eyes. Do you ever experience that?
And on the 28^th I’ll go back to school, and undoubtedly I’ll feel a pang of regret that I didn’t enjoy my time with my kids more fully, hang back and chill out as all these things happened, with me around.

By the way, this blog will be two years old next week, on the 26^th. Trip the fuck out.

I never knew when I started writing this thing that such an incredible group of people (women mostly) would come together and teach me so much and help me see that not only am I not alone in feeling like a bit of a jackass in this mothering world, but there are plenty of women out there who feel exactly the same as I do, and will admit freely!

I do love you people. I do.

Thanks for keepin’ it real, and for sticking around.

Anyway, here’s some pictures of what we’ve been up to the last couple weeks (since I didn’t write last Sunday – bad blogger!), featuring my kids doing cute shit, and my husband sticking his tongue out. Somehow these people ruin my life and make it perfect, at the same damn time.

Pretty fancy if ya ask me.

xoxo